Eat your words

This semester has been a struggle, to say the least. I feel cut off from the world and inexplicably unhappy. The people around me have been telling me this is because I have too high of expectations of myself--this might be right but I can see other reasons. One thing I dislike is not being able to meet everyone's expectations of me which often translates into disappointment in myself, even if others know nothing of it. 

The thing is, I always preach to others "if you don't like your life, change it." Right now I am eating those words because there are things I dislike about my life right now and I am wondering if they are things I can overcome or I need to move away from. This has been my mental struggle all semester. I hate quitting. I hate feeling defeated by something when I know there are things so much bigger I have overcome. I despise feeling like a failure and especially getting that look from others that you are not meeting their expectations. All of these things bring me undeniable feelings of panic and frustration BUT I know that something has to change. I don't know if it is something as simple as my attitude about life or my sleep schedule or if I need to make some major life choices but something inevitably is going to have to change or I might not make it. Perseverance can only go so far when you feel that you are continually pressing forward alone, without reprieve. Hopefully, as the pressure valve is loosened over the next few weeks and the summer emerges from this snow-laden winter I will find what I am looking for and the tenacity to journey on and hope on for something better. 

I'm just hoping to find a little bit of happy that is not so fleeting.